Romantic.

Sometimes i wish i lived back in the olden days. Robert Doisneau

that space everyone has

Why are some days better than others? Nothing is changing about my life but me. Why do I feel so frantic lately. I laugh like a crazy person one moment then am super depressed the next. You know? I feel like I am doing too much to handle, but what I am doing is not enough to keep my mind occupied. I haven't healed. I do not think I will either. I'm full but empty. Where are my friends? Just to let you know, you are still my best friend I miss you lots because it doesn't feel like we really connect anymore. I hope its not from all my stupid mistakes.

When I rain, it hurts the sun that is inside
every time I rain it feels like my heart is trying to hide.
Come light me up, fill me again
my new life needs to start, let this life begin.
The sadness inside pours out of my eyes
why every night does my heart want to cry?
So please when I rain, don't bottle my tears
hold me and say ill love you for all my years.

by Heather (me)

Ever just want to turn off the lights and go to sleep forever? Right now it feels like it. What is the point? I'm not making a difference in any ones life. I need to change the world...I'm not doing anything right now.

Goals:

1. Do one or more super nice thing for someone or something.
2. Stay positive, because I owe it to you.
3. Be quiet and think about it/you/everything/me/life.
4. Study SAT (even though walla walla is most likely in my future)
5. Love to the fullest, I'm not going to pretend anymore starting now I will be a better friend.

I love all you guys, no joke. Thank you for being there for me. I say that lots but I really mean that. I feel really not stable right now and I feel like I am spinning in circles and I'm not really sure what is going to happen next. That is making me insane because I'm so type A. Agggh.

Little Help, Little Love, Little Forgiveness, Little Hugging, Lots of you, more of you.

?emevigroF Please.

You1 mean so much to me, and my life isn't the SAME without you.I feel like everything I said means nothing now. I lost your trust and the value that you once saw. I broke just one promise, you broke many. I let you down. I was supposed to be the strong one. I think its you now. I'm happy at least that you are trying to figure it out. I don't even want to think about it. The sad thing is, I feel like its too late for me to do anything about it. I already said and did too many things that created a space between us. How do we mend it?

You2 have been my friend for so long and I let you down too. I just want to say I am so sorry. You are going to find out. I just know it. Please let me be the friend that needs your help this time, just forgive me. Its never IN to break promises, but its always going to be OUT to lie to your friends.

Love both of you guys, I'm sorry I let you down. I really thought I was better than that, but I guess I just wanted to show my self that Im not. I'm probably never going to regain your respect. That makes me more sad than I was when I lost you1, or when you2 choose her over me.

Quote of the day:

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

by Sydney J. Harris

I will regret not telling you how I really feel later if this doesn't end up the way I want it to now, but I think it is better to live and get hurt than, for fear of the hurt to never live. I really believe this, and I want to live and love even if I get hurt.

Brownies

They are pretty tasty. Brownies are my favorite dessert, they are so chocolaty and fudgy. They give me really bad stomach aches though. So my question to ponder this next week is are the brownies worth the pain?

I am back on the outside of the box. Why will they not let me in? Someday, there will be a person who wants to join me on my side of the box. Until then I am alone. Alone is a strange thing to feel. It is like when you zone off into space and your brain goes numb. It is like that but in your heart. Brownies would totally help. After though, when I am in pain everyone will say that it would of been better if I just stayed on my side of the box. Hmmm.

Quote of the day:

Ah me! love can not be cured by herbs.

by Ovid

For you:

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

by Mary Engelbreit

Late Night Bust

Well lately my life has been kinda weird. Beach Vespers was on Friday, that was fun. Actually I really enjoyed it. Even though I missed working on the sand art or whatever you call it. You better keep your pinky promise. -.-. Got it? Dare on the bus ride home was one of the highlights too. That was fun even though I had to kiss Viv. Yuck. I Likes Boy. Then ihop where I muched off of Michelleo. I didn't fall asleep until 12:30 a.m. That is so late for me. Saturday I thought was going to be tons of fun. Yeah lets just say that didn't happen. Viv came over after church and we ate at my grandmas house for lunch. We had to do the dishes. That makes it two times now. So she doesn't hate just you. :P Hannah came to my house to pick us up and we all went to Victoria Gardens, I was the only one who wanted to go apparently so Hannah and Vivien just moped around the stores. We came home at 7:30 and they had this brilliant idea. Not so brilliant, lets leave it at that. Luckily no harm done. Thank you for your support, I needed it that night. I didn't sleep until 1:00 a.m. another late night. Sunday was lame sauce. Today I feel not so good. Its probably from sharing noodles with Hannah maybe next time we shouldn't just leave our chopsticks in the soup. I was really lame today, but my hair looked nice so maybe you will talk to me again. Hopefully.

Quote for the Day:

It is sad and wrong to be so dependent for the life of my life on any human being as I am on you; but I cannot by any force of logic cure myself at this date, when it has become second nature.

by Jane Welsh Carlyle

A little less confusing

just for you. Ok so today there was testing, and it was lame but tomorrow is going to be like way lame-er because the tests are super long. I feel like a noob because this is the second day in a row that I'm posting on blogger, lame. Well lunch was fun, I played tag. Haha. So second grade! Why can't it be as simple as second grade. Life back then was so nice and easy. Beliefs wasn't that bad since Pastor Holm is gone. Drawing class is so funny thanks to Eric making fun of all the freshmen who are like "Can I draw you Heather?" Omg. After school I found out I didn't have a ride. Boo. So I had to sit there like a loner until Hannah was out of labs. Well luckily I wasn't completely a loner. It actually was pretty good talking to you so maybe this won't be so bad after all. You never listen to what I say though. You hear but you don't understand what my words are meaning. You know? I guess friends for now it will be. Since that's what you want.

Quote(s) of the day:

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."

by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just had to use this quote since the name just kinda pooped up.

Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.

Swedish proverb

This one is for you, maybe what you need right now is a for real friend.

I guess you get to decide what that means but just choose your friends wisely, there are people who really care about you.

My Galaxy

So yesterday I went to my very first Galaxy game and the Home Depot Center. I went over to Viv's house around 2:30 and we hung out with Jason and Ricky until about 5. Her cousins picked us up and we headed down to watch David Beckham in action! Ha ha. Well it was a great night. The Luxury seating was pretty good too, especially since it was all free. Thanks Viv for taking me!

Lately my life has been a whirlwind of feelings and its been a rollercoaster but from what I learned lastnight and this morning, I will stop trying I guess because it is hopeless if you don't wan't it too.

Quote for the Day:

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few;

and let those be well-tried before you give them your confidence.

by George Washington

Confidence lost: it hurt me and now how do I know if any of it was true, or what secrets you will keep.

Fight

So today I got in this fight and it has really been bothering me. How are you supposed to stand up for yourself without offending anyone? Maybe my problem is not standing up for what I believe is truth, but its that I do not like to be wrong. So I am really sorry if I hurt you or seemed disrespectful.

Quote for the day:

Forgiveness is a funny thing, it warms the hearts and cools the sting.

by Peter Allen

The problem with that quote for me is when you have forgiven him, I want the sting to be gone. Not to get worse than it was when it first started. Why do you make it worse every single day. What did I do wrong? Just tell me okay?

New Start

Lately I haven't been myself, that is all going to change starting now. Forget the emotions of the past, look back at the events with love, and push on into the future. That is my goal for now. My quote for the day is:

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back."

So don't waste your life on things you know are only going to hurt your future.

(or the people that love you)

1 more equation

freakin chemistry review + getting ice cream and not comming home right away = very sleepy heather tomorrow*


*will need lots of hugs

This year...

Is going to be diffrent than last year for sure. Well since I haven't been on here in a while, other than michelle's lameo post, I will update on the summer. ;) JK mo. Love Ya. Well this summer was one of the best and worset of my entire life. I learned lots about myself and how I get when no one is looking/cares, you know all that inner person stuff. The summer wasn't wasted but I could of done way more if I had planed it a tad better. I'm excited for this year, to rebond with my friends and hopefully make a few guy friends since im guyfriendless. (is guyfriendless a word?) Haha. Well thats not a problem. One big thank you to Hannah, even though she doesn't read this. Actually no one reads this. Hannah thanks for taking care of me for the past two weeks, without you I would of killed myself. ;) Don't worry no more rubber bands.

Goals for this year:

• Get all A's
• Go to sleep on time
• Not waiting for the last night to do an assignment
• Lose 10 lbs
• Find my personality I lost last year
• Be nice to everyone, no more mean comments (mo start the pinches)
• Lastly, fill the hole

Yeah, hopefully that all will actually happen.

Some quotes that I want to send to people, and use to inspire my life:

1. The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
2. Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.
3. Only those in tune with nature seem to pick up on the energy in wind. All sorts of things get swept off in the breeze: ghosts, pieces of soul, voices unsung, thoughts repressed, love uncherished, and a thousands galore of spiritual ether. Wind is an emotional rush because emotions are rushing by.

The last being one I want to pick up, I need to be more intune with other's feelings. This will not only help myself in being kinder to them, but help myself by staying away from people with dislike or people that are tired of me.

Love to all my friends! Thank you for your love the past few days!

Beach going

Well since Heather never updates this, I guess I will.

So Heather went to the beach yesterday & she had a lot of fun. We got a great parking spot thanks to her because she scared an asian family by yelling out the window asking where their car was. We went swimming in FREEZING water & I think she really enjoyed it when I buried her in the sand afterwards. We did lots of other fun beach stuff, & then when we were done, we ate at CPK. We got lost on our way home, but thanks to Heather's internal GPS, we made it safely back. Then Heather slept over at my house, & now we are waiting for Heather's mom to come pick us up to go to Cabazon (: That's all! 

Summer

What happened to last summer? Last summer was way better in my book. This summer, no sleepover in tree house, no water balloon fight, No Florida! No flings at camp meeting... (Not like I'm missing that part so just relax). I don't know anymore, I should be working or something because just laying around all day is not for me!

You: Yeah you, I can't believe you get to go to Europe! That lucky little duck. I better hear about how delicious the gelato was!

Well this summer has been... Fun? Maybe? I went to camp meeting to start off the summer, and it's not a fat camp, just to inform you people with confused little minds. I have been seeing my boyfriend occasionally. Mostly I have been reading, everyday all day. Yay! Well anyway one good thing about that is that my vocabulary will increase. That deserves a real yay!

Big News to all the people out there that didn't believe me! I have gotten one. You ask what my friend? That one thing that people didn't believe I could ever get! Have you guessed it yet?


Heather
is
TAN!
(With a tan line so its proof!)

Anyway, that’s the biggest news so far.

Ehmagawd. Harry Potter is coming out in just a few more days! I'm so excited. For all you bandwagon-ers out there: boo to you, if you haven't read the books, in six grade when the rest of the world read them then you should. Like right now. Go. Haha. Anyways...

Love to everyone!
(hopefully that will remind people of me since I'm so lonely)

Hola from Saturday.

Ok so today is Saturday, yeah I know why am I on the computer on a Saturday? I don't know either, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Want to hear my story of today? Thought so... ok so I got up in the morning and my mom told me to go do something for my grandma, then I had eggs and kiwi for breakfast. Delicious. I then was getting ready for church and apparently I made my parents mad a breakfast because I talk to much or something, but I was getting ready and my Dad left me at home, they only go to sabbath school, and my Mother doesn't go to church at all. I asked her why today, and she gave me a long lecture, fun stuff. So I called my wonderful grandparents. Mimi and Pa, they are really awesome if you come over you can call them Mimi and Pa too they are just that cool. Haha. Anyways so my mom said I couldn't go to church today, so I secretly called my Pa and asked him if he would drive me to church. Weird right? Who sneaks to church. What a lameoid. So I walked over there and went to church. And went to lunch at my grandparents house and didn't come home untill 3 o' clock in the afternoon. Guess what? My parents didn't even care. So you know what I have decided? I am going to sneak out and party when I get my car. Yay. Hahah. So thats my tale for the day.

Know what?

I am so excited for beach vespers.

Me + Beach = Love

This Friday is special. I'm happy about that. There was this annoying note in religion today that really got on my nerves, thanks to my "friends" / "owners" Andi and Michelle. They are planning something sneeky and I plan on finding out what it is so beware. Got that Michelle? I have been posting on my blog quite frenquently lately. Not a good thing, where did my life go? I want to be in soccer still, that sport is awesome.

P.S.

I know,

yes...about that.

Blood Giving

Is an awesome thing. Ha ha. I was so nervous, when I went in. After getting my finger pricked I started freaking out, but thanks to my friends I calmed down. When I went to the station I had to lay down on a lounge. I was very nervous but thanks to my wonderful boyfriend, they stabbed me, took my blood, and I lived. Maybe I will even do it next year.

Someday...or Today?

See this? This is where I need to be right now. Far away. New. Fresh. Alone. Clean. Beach. The sunset is so nice why can't life be a giant sunset? Pretty until you set/die? I need to wash my feet in the ocean too...just feel the waves...expirence life for a change. What is life? Am I happy how I am right now? Why do I feel that I need more? Shouldn't I be satisfied? I want my heart to melt again...like it use to. My friends. Thanks for not leaving me, see im not in this picture because of you...if i was i would be at the bottom of the ocean...alone....setting like the sun.

Feeling?

A Candle is like a weak crush you can make small burns and it hurts for a while, but love is like a bon fire at the beach, if you get to close it burns your heart, and that is forever a scar.

First Blog

I am going to start blogging my life and whats in my mind. I can't always put it in words but Im going to try. Yay. Blogging.

Ok so a little about the picture over there...that is where i would rather be right now.... and i wouldn't be sitting in the chairs but they add a nice touch. I would be probably laying in the sand because i love sand.